To Do or Not To Do, that is the Question!

To do or Not to do….what? Disney. Why, you may ask when I have thrown myself fully into TNT would I contemplate not doing Disney? Why when I have been passionate about the cause, the people and the training would I be in this debate?

Well, the experts have spoken, and I have heard them. My TNT walking coach, Barb, and the head NYC coach Ramon told me they were worried about my doing the 2 events so close together. Will, my brother and a professional-elite athlete agreed with a lot of what they said (also worth noting, almost everyone else who knows me thinks I can do both!) And, for a few reasons:

• It takes a long time to recover from a marathon (Ramon who finishes in the 3 hour time frame says it is about 4 weeks for him) which means I will spend around a month recovering, then I will only have a month to go until Disney to get fully ready.
• I am slow, we all know that, but Disney is one of the strictest about their time limits and do frequent sweeps. They do not want my Disney experience to be all about avoiding being swept.
• They are concerned about the overlap of the 2 training programs.
• They do not want me to burn out and want walking to be a life long passion.
• They want me to improve my overall fitness and lose weight.
• And, I may have missed some things.

I met everything they said with a “yeah-but…” statement. Yeah, but I am ONLY doing the Disney half...yeah, but I have already done a half...yeah, but I am incorporating the Disney training into the NYC training, etc. They came back with a reasonable argument, although they were not being argumentative, for each of my questions. Even though I was devastated (read as sobbing uncontrollably almost to the point of not being able to talk), I truly felt like they were looking out for me.

We left it that there were a few options, I could:
-drop out
-not do TNT
-postpone to the next season and truly train
-ignore them and keep doing what I was doing
-wait and see,
-transfer to the PF Chang Half marathon that same weekend, but with an extra half hour in their time limit

I took a couple of days to really mull it over, since I was clearly to emotional at first, to make a sound decision. The final outcome is that I am not sure whether I will do Disney or not. I really want to for so many reasons, not the least of which is the awesome Donald Duck Medal you get, ;-). But, I also really want to finish and do well. And, of equal importance, I want to raise money for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society. So, what to do, what to do???

I am waiting to make a final decision until 11/9. This is not some arbitrary date, but it is the “re-commitment” date for TNT. What does that mean? It means that you pay for any gap between what you've already raised and 25% of your goal and you're saying, “I am going to do this. If I do not raise all the money for my goal, I will personally fund it.” The other significance of this is that I will have completed the NYC marathon by then. I will be able to gauge my times, my initial recovery, etc.

So, the plan "du jour" is to go for it wholeheartedly, but to reevaluate honestly on November 9th!

Given I have only discussed this with a few of you and the same questions keep coming up, I developed a Frequently Asked Questions Section:

FAQs:
I donated to your NYC marathon, will that be impacted?
No, NYC is totally different. All of the money for Team For Kids will be applied to them! Thank you for donating to a charity that is inspiring. I see a group of the kids in Central Park running on Wednesday nights and feel honored to be raising money for them. THANK YOU for your support! I feel it every day.

I donated to TNT/LLS for you, what happens if you don't do Disney?
If I transfer to another season, the money transfers with me, so your money will count towards my new goal. You also have donated to an awesome cause and have given me support with my training for any/all events! THANK YOU!
If I decide to never do another TNT/LLS event, you donated to a fantastic cause, offered me support that I feel all the time. This is a cause close to my heart, so I am truly grateful. THANK YOU!

If you don't do Disney and stay with TNT what event will you do?
Most likely, I will transfer to the NJ marathon or half marathon (late April/early May). I will probably do the half because I also want to do the More Half in March (for no charity).

Do you think you can make the Disney time cutoff?
I do not know, but right now TNT is doing 2-5 miles each walk and I have done 2 miles a few times at the needed pace. I haven't tried 3 yet, but I will tomorrow. So, I am going for it and feeling optimistic. I hadn't done ANY work on my pace until last week and feel I am progressing nicely.

Have you lost any weight?
Okay, so this didn't come up because I have scared everyone off of asking me again...But, I have finally lost 2 pounds. Hey, it isn't much, but it is something. And, I must be redistributing because people who do not know about my training are asking how much I have lost.

Had a good 14 yesterday...

Well, it may have been closer to 13.

I did the first 4 outside in Central Park. I have no idea what the pace was, but it was an easy one. It was warm and humid though, so I decided to take advantage of the free 4 day pass to Equinox and do the other miles indoors. I sure got my mileage out of that pass. I used it 4/4 days.

The walking felt good. I created a plan incorporating negative splits and stuck to it.
3.3 mph 3 miles
3.4 mph 3 miles
3.5 mph 3 miles

+ warm up and cool down Over half mile maybe more. It went very well, and I felt good. I ended up averaging about 3.3 with the bathroom breaks, 3.4 without.

I did 1.5 incline for most of it, but I went up to 4.5 or 5 for .06 miles each mile. I knew it wasn't much, but I figured at least getting an incline into every mile was something.

The last mile I was attempting to increase speed, but the treadmill decided I was done and needed to cool down (It had been an hour since my last potty break, so every 30 seconds it would go to 0 incline and 3mph, and I would have to reset it). With a quarter mile left, I ended and started a new session. I figure the whole thing only cost me 5-10 seconds, but it was disorienting.

I am in a good frame of mind and feeling optimistic.

Friday's workout was "jarring." Quite literally. I only had planned to do 2.5 miles (all I had time for), but somewhere in - about 2 miles the treadmill stopped - I was at 4.0 at that point, quite a speed for me. I was lucky not to fall or anything, but my body felt really whacky. I don't know what happened, but it just stopped and got an error message. My body was still feeling very tight yesterday, so I was worried about walking. I did it though. I tried to get on another treadmill after that, but I couldn't get my mind around it, so I just cooled down, stretched and called it a day. I wasn't worried since I had a long walk the next day and usually take it super easy the days before and after my long ones.

One other thing to note, I did those 13 miles this weekend while getting the worst blister I have ever had.

Oh well, that is what they call our medals. I will play around with my insoles because it seems like it was hitting funny.

One other thing to note, I did those 13 miles this weekend while getting the worst blister I have ever had.


Oh well, that is what they call our medals. I will play around with my insoles because it seems like it was hitting funny.

topics to come...tnt/Disney - to do it or not to do it....

16 down, and so am I

Yesterday was an intense day. I am NOT a morning person and I was out of the house so early that my bagel place wasn't even opened yet (it opens at 6am). Maybe, at that point, I should have turned around, gotten back in bed and had a normal day. But, anyone who knows a marathoner knows we are not normal, so I found a different spot to get my fuel (in non-athlete terms, food) and get to the run, uh, walk.

I was quite bummed to get up to the start of the LTR (Long Training Run) and discover Madison and 5th are all meters now. So, I had to find a lot. I was happy to see that people were still lined up for the portapotties and the later time groups hadn't started yet.

I walked past the 8s (those are the people who for the entire 20 miles plan to maintain an 8 minute pace - luckies), 9s, 10s where I found a WW marathoner buddy, Gabi. She is a pace leader and was sweet as could be. I went all the way to the 11s and then to the back of that pack. Each time we inched forward, I re-inched to the back of the pack. When our group left the gate, there were clearly only 2 of us walkers and the other was a speed demon (I later found out she wants to finish the marathon between 6:00 and 6:30).

So, we were off. And just to make sure we knew this was NY and Central Park, we were immediately greeted with a never ending hill. I kept thinking of a video (about 3:15 into it) I recently watched in which a woman greeted each hill with, "I love hills." I kept repeating it to myself, then I would answer, unintentionally, "liar." Well, I did this all alone and realized how incredibly lonely the marathon would be. I would be towards the end (maybe the last person and all alone). This was cemented as I approached the 1 mile mark and the volunteer holding the marker was already loading it into his car. KC told me about that. Watching them take up the chip mats as she approached, and that was with a pace almost 1.5 hours faster than mine will be.

Mind, you I was only a mile or so in when I passed the 102nd street traverse and the elite runners were finishing their 6 mile loop! I am not kidding. I pacified myself at this point by saying that at least I wouldn't be alone now. There would be runners passing. So I shouted some encouraging words to them. I also felt a little better knowing they had started close to 7, and I didn't take off until 7:29.

I was barely approaching mile 2 when there was more slope. I was already tired. I texted Mercer, "I love hills. I am a marathoner." Then followed with another text saying, "Fake it til u make it." I got a giggle out of that and got into a bit of a groove. I also was very happy to realize that I would be supported by the water tables almost the whole way because since I was ONLY doing 16 miles, I wouldn't finish that long after the slower 20 milers. The water tables made a difference, but that 1 mile marker was a tease. There were no more mile markers, and not just because I missed them. They just didn't have them. That was a bummer.

I got through 6 miles and felt good. Gabi was just finishing 11 and was so encouraging. I felt awesome and had done a 3.46 mph pace (one of my best paces). I no longer minded being looped. I looked forward to it. It was fun. I did the next 5 happily, and thinking such crazy thoughts as, "I could probably do 17-18 today," or "I should do all 20, I can handle it. 16 is too short." At then end of that loop, I had slowed to a 3.2 pace. But I was fine with it. I saw my coach at that point, Gabi and Paul Bogutsky. Gabi and Paul had completed their 20 and I was on my way for 16! I was feeling peppy and cocky. Suddenly about half way into the next mile, I began to feel cranky. I ran into someone who had run her first 11 or maybe 15 and was walking the end. She and I chatted, but somehow it was making me feel worse. I kept thinking I was about 20 blocks ahead of where I was. I felt good that the water stands still had water (well most of them), but I was mentally dragging.

I was trying to trick myself into doing things so I could finish in under 5 hours. I was even contemplating changing the path and only going for 15. But, luckily, my asst. coach was right at the point I would have had to cheat. I didn't and kept going. I was IMing, calling and doing anything to get some energy to me, it wasn't working.

At about mile 14, I started doing the walk fast for a lamp post slow down at the next and then I couldn't get the fast going again. I felt better about myself when I passed a walker (I think she may have been a runner turned walker) who was so tired that when I asked her how far she had gone, she waved me on. I caught up to a runner who was doing 17 total and was walking at this point (and I know she started when I did because I remembered her). Then I caught up with the other speedy walker. I think she was finishing 21 as I was finishing 17 but so be it. She wasn't sure how many she had done because she had taken a wrong turn. I was just happy not to be the last one out there.

As I was leaving the park, I met a woman who told me she had just done her first 20. She was glowing and so happy. She told me there were only 5 more bags in the bag check. I felt relieved, I wasn't the last one finished, even if I didn't do the distance. For some reason that validated me.

Anyway, as she and I exited the park, I saw a bench and decided to collapse. I sat there a good 10 minutes, then got the umph to walk the 4 seemingly endless blocks to the car. I got in the car and thought about taking off my shoes...nope, it would take too much energy. So, I drove off. As I was driving down the FDR, making great time home, I was exhausted. I kept thinking of taking a nap to the point I decided it wasn't safe to drive and my exhaustion was out-weighing my hunger. So, on Houston, I pulled off and slept. I slept for about 30+ minutes. Then drove home. At this point crankiness and sadness had taken over. I was hungry, starving, but I didn't even want to eat.

Needless to say, I did eat. I also soaked in Epsom salts and took another nap. I spent the rest of the day and night feeling like I couldn't do it (the marathon). There is no way I could do another 10 miles. I mean, that was ONLY 16. 16 is a lot compared to none, but it is only 61% of the full marathon. I said a few times yesterday that I think the half length is for me. I am now reflecting and wondering if I am just not fit enough to do a full. Can I get myself fit enough in 7 short weeks?! I am convincing myself that I can, but I also realize I am going to need a lot more support to do it. Doing this as a single-working mom makes fitting in all the training, cross-training, etc. tricky. I am mapping out my plan for the walks today, then finding a way to stick to it. I HAVE to complete this...for myself and for all the people pulling for me.

Funny that I was feeling good about the walk until the moment it ended...
Times for yesterday:

First 6 - 3.46 pace
Next 5 - 3.2 pace
Last 5 - 2.78 pace
Total 16 - 3.14 pace

Having a day between me and the walk, I feel better, but I am still not feeling confident.

Nerves...

My nerves and I are becoming close friends. Tonight I am so anxious about tomorrow's walk. NYRR is doing a 20 miler, and I had decided not to do it, but suddenly in talking to Coach Barb, I decided to go for it. I will have the water stations and support for enough of it to make it worthwhile. I will be the marathoner I am and join those runners out there. The course is 20 miles, but Coach Barb told me to do 5 hours and nothing more. In my ideal world that would be 20 hours, but I am not there.

My goal is to do 16. Based on my past walks 15 seems realistic and doable. Based on my past races 16-18 seems doable and realistic. Doing my MORE pace, I would do 16.66, based on my LI 10K, I would do 18.8.

I am so nervous. It doesn't help that each knee has been feeling a tiny bit funky this week. I better sign off so I can have a good night's sleep!

12.5 in 4:10

Well, I know that race pace will be faster or at least I hope it will since it was in March. I did 13.1 in 3:55, but it wasn't NEARLY as hot or humid. I am truly praying for some less humid weather.

I was very pleased with my walk though because, if you have been keeping up, I have been averaging okay walking times, but then I add in all these breaks. On Sunday, I didn't have any breaks. It was straight through, well, I mean I did use the facilities in Mickie D's and I did stop to buy water and Gatorade, but I didn't stop or stop the clock at all.

I did, however, manage to twist my knee ever so slightly and it was killing by Sunday night. Lots of ice seemed to do the trick. I was fine by Monday. Of course I haven't done a walk since then, but I trust I will be fine tomorrow night, the next TNT walk.

Boy, do I love TNT! They are so awesome and supportive. I have already gotten an email from the walking coach, the campaign coordinator and the assistant walking coach! I love me some TNT!

TNT - Day One

Well going to TNT was quite a day. The bottom line is I loved it.

First, I went running in at 9:01, my mentor had told me to be there at 9 SHARP. So, I went running in only to find out that that was a mentor meeting. After about 5 minutes I left and went to Dunkin Donuts. You will be happy to know that a TNT person who is about to sit in DD's doesn't indulge in the delicious, tempting donuts. No, I had an iced coffee and read a fitness magazine...HELP, who am I?

Second, I returned to the meeting at 10am, and some woman said, "I know you." Well, it turns out that on my birthday otherwise known as a travel day from H-E _ _ , we met in the Toulouse airport. She and her friend were just coming back from a week at a spa. They, too, were having a travel day you wouldn't wish on anyone. So, that was fun.

Third, the event began - a section on the who is who and each group was more impressive than I would have imagined. Then, the training talk - Coach Ramon is a riot! Then, the fundraising talk - a ton of ideas. Then, a reminder about why we're doing this - the Honored team members - wow. These people are heroes! They are people with a blood cancer who are participating right along side us and show the strength and courage I only dream of having. They are AMAZING!

Fourth, we went on our first walk. It was great to walk with others, to have no attention on the distance or time. I just took the coaching and walked. Of course, I couldn't stand NOT knowing the distance, so I ultimately looked and it was 2 miles. I never timed it, so it could have been 25 or 40 minutes, I have NO idea.

That was the day and it was 1pm. And, I put off the 12 miler until Sunday because it humid and much later in the day than I anticipated.

3 quick ones today to prep for tomorrow...

Tomorrow is my first day with TNT. I feel like a kid starting a new school year. Hopefully, I can handle it with the same grace that Emily did. She prepped - got a good night's sleep, laid out her clothes, packed what she needed and got up on time. She thought about what would be good and what would be hard and accepted it. She got up on time and her entry into 4th grade was excellent.

So, lessons learned - lay out clothes - DO NOT FORGET SNEAKERS :-)
Pack whatever I will need
Go to bed early
Get up on time
and Trust it will all work out

The part I am having a hard time with is thinking about what will be good and what will be hard. I am feeling shy and hoping to meet someone. I will admit that my mentor not believing 19 min/mile is my pace has hung over me. It is...Time and Time again, I end up there or slower. So, I think that is my biggest fear - they will say, "You are too slow and cannot be helped." Should I admit that I checked and the PF Chang marathon that same weekend has a more friendly time limit? 4 hours for a half. I have done that before. I did 3:57 or something. And I am in much better shape now.

OK, I will stop making myself nuts and trust it.

Today was a quick 3 miles, but I truly can't stand walking anywhere except the park now. All those people and cars just plain ole annoy me. I think they add a lot of stress and time to the day. And it was HUMID again. I hate that.

Longest walk yet (about 18 miles)

Sunday Morning (Pre-walk)
I was supposed to leave this morning at the crack of dawn, but when I awakened and it was pitch black out, I rolled back over and decided that was a stupid idea. I should walk in the sunlight, right?! lol.

So, now at about 8:20, I am (still) procrastinating leaving for this big walk. Again the question "why?" pops into my mind...The simple answer: I am scared. Last week's heat episode has really left me doubting myself. I am scared. Scared I won't fuel right, scared my feet or legs will give out, scared I will collapse. I am just plain scared. 6-7 hours is a friggin' long time to walk.

So, off I go...

Monday Afternoon (Day after the "big walk")
As Dora the Explorer would say, "We did it, we did it, we did it yeah!" I managed to do 19.48 overall miles. That includes the jaunts to the ladies room, the strolls to the car to fill up my water/Gatorade and to get snacks. The "timed" walking portion was 18.48 miles. I took some long breaks, but here is the gist:

Half loop/warm-up: 1.73 miles: 32.5 minutes = 18.79 min/mile = 3.19 MPH
Full Loop #1: 3.35 miles: 62.25 minutes = 18.58 min/mile = 3.23 MPH
Full Loop #2: 3.35 miles: 61.5 minutes = 18.36 min/mile = 3.27 MPH (still thought negative splits were possible)
Full Loop #3: 3.35 miles: 62.8 minutes = 18.75 min/mile = 3.2 MPH
Full Loop #4: 3.35 miles: 66 minutes = 19.07 min/mile = 3.07 MPH
Full Loop #5: 3.35 miles: 77 minutes = 22.99 min/mile = 2.6 MPH (OUCH)
TOTAL WALKING TIME: 18.48 miles: 362.05 minutes: 19.59 min/mile = 3.06 MPH
TOTAL TIME (including breaks and all): 19.48 miles: 428.5 minutes: 22 min/mile: 2.73 MPH

I was feeling really good until the last loop. That one was hard. I was hungry, tired and wanted to call it a day. I am a but miffed because I spent as long yesterday including my breaks (which would, obviously, be counted during the marathon) as I had originally hoped to spend doing the entire thing (aka marathon), yet, I still had 6.8 miles to go (which is over 2 hours at the pace I was keeping). Speed and endurance are tricky things to work on. I thought by not pushing my speed too much in the beginning yesterday I was golden and would maintain a 3 MPH rate throughout, but no such luck. The good news is, I did maintain that for the first 15+ miles which is a huge improvement.

All in all, it was a great walk, a great day and I must say, I know now how much the heat impacts me. Yesterday was a lovely day to be walking and the climate was right. It wasn't too humid, the high must've been in the low 80s. It was all good. I feel good today. My feet were aching last night and hurt mildly this morning, but they seem to be okay. Next long walk, I will try taking something like aleve during the walk and see if that helps. The footsies were killing for the last lap. Luckily, I called a friend and chatted for about 15 minutes which had me not concentrating on the pain too much - I was going to say forget about the pain, but I didn't. I just placed it to the back of my mind for a few minutes.

Walking in Prospect Park, which is where I do the majority of my long walks, is fascinating. There are people who you feel like buddies with because you see them several times. There are people who must be training for ironman events or something because I see them 4-8 times and I am walking - they are running or riding bikes. That is some serious mileage. It is such a friendly and diverse place.

As I walk throughout the day, it changes. In the morning, it is peaceful with the sounds of nature and the rhythm of the other athletes approaching. As the day goes on, there are kids on their bikes and the challenges of youngsters about who can get up the hill faster or who can go "no handed" for longer. And, if I look over at the fields, they start to fill up with people sunbathing, tossing firsbees, having picnics and playing a variety of sports: soccer, touch football, baseball and, if you can believe it, cricket. Who knew there was cricket right here in Brooklyn?

As the day goes on the bbqs start, which always seems a little cruel to me. Here I am having walked for umpteen hours, famished and I can smell the lighter fluid followed by the burgers and chicken cooking away. There is one family/group who seems to be there every weekend with a mob of people and their food smells divine. One of these weekends, I am just going to have to crash.

Then, as the day creeps on, the drum circle starts. I always get a kick out of that. The beat carries me to the end of my loop and starts the next. Usually, the people in that area are gregarious, funny and have some encouraging comments. They are all races, sizes and ages just chilling to the beat of the drums.

The one downside I have noticed is that as the day goes on and the park gets more crowded, the manners decrease. In the morning, everyone is watching out for everyone. You would never have a car or a pedestrian cut a jogger or biker off nor would you see an athlete get annoyed as a ball is accidentally sent into the path. In the afternoon, I am dodging people and cars crossing the streets. The bikers and roller bladers are in the walkers/runners lanes. People are seemingly bothered by any intrusion, even someone encouraging them. Here is an example. The Team for Kids Singlets are BRIGHT GREEN and hard to miss. There was a young 20 something girl wearing one. I passed her 4 times. The 1st time, I called out, "GO Team for kids." She looked up and around baffled. Mind you, I was wearing the white version of the shirt, she still never spotted me. The other 3 times, she was so busy watching where she was going, we never even made eye contact. I feel certain that would never happen in the morning. In the morning, everyone has a smile for the other athletes out there. Maybe it is the heat, maybe it is the crowd, I don't know, but if you want to find the nicest crew, go early in the morning.

Wow, I hate to sound cocky, but I am in awe of myself. Just 7 months ago, when I attempted to do a quick mile I was dying afterwards and now I did almost 20 miles and have had a totally normal day today! That is amazing. I even went swimming and raced with Emily.

And no, I am still not losing weight. I am within a pound of where I was in January when all this insanity started. I put that in often since it is the #1 question I am asked.

Ciao, until the next update.