Tonight, as I sit here sweating in this muggy NYC summer weather, I feel a slight sense of hope, one that I haven’t felt in ages. No one ever wants to hear from the doctor that something is wrong with them, but for over a year I haven’t felt like myself. I have been trying to be energetic and upbeat rather than it coming naturally. I have forced my workouts when they have happened (and missed more than I can count), and almost every time it has hurt. I have gained weight and not been able to reel it in. I have just not been me. So, when the doctor told me I had hypothyroidism, I felt a sense of hope: like I could possibly be the positive and upbeat and loving Alison I know I really am again. Fingers crossed.
I blamed it all on my foot: the mood, the weight gain, the lethargy, etc. My right foot started hurting last June (that is the first time I remember). For more about this you can read the appendix, but the gist is I though the foot caused not working out which caused a loss of a release which led to anger and depression and caused weight gain…now the unanswerable question is: which came first the chicken or the egg? Or, in this case: The foot pain or the anger/depression or the weight gain…see, I have just learned that hypothyroidism (under active thyroid) is often accompanied by depression, weight gain, swelling of the hands and feet and pain in the joints.
Friday I start Synthroid, a medication to help get the thyroid working again. And, although my doctor didn’t seem as concerned about the physical pain and treating that, I am hopeful it will help with this lingering foot swelling/pain. Weight loss and a better mood are welcome too, but I am so ready to not feel my feet (and /or other parts from compensating) in agony.
By the way, I have a friend who has treated her hypothyroid without meds, and eventually I want to go holistic with this (I am not big on meds for me), but right now I just want it treated! I just want to see if the Alison that I used to be proud to be can re-surface again naturally (well with meds, but not with me forcing it or faking it til I make it).
Appendix
The foot pain was blamed on my wearing heels for work. Funny, but I wear comfy heels – like old lady heels – aerosoles: chunky-with-cushioning heels. Alas, they caused something.
What did I do? I went to the podiatrist…diagnosis: metatarsalgia, aka swelling of the ball of the foot or pain at the base of the toes…not very useful. Prescription: ice and elevate foot. So, I did that a bunch last summer and fall, but my training stopped being the least bit enjoyable. I loved being out there for others, but for me, it just plain hurt, usually. I think I was compensating because my entire right side would hurt and the top of my left foot. I got some extra massages , which were awesome, and figured time would cure. Worst part of all: I could not predict when it would hurt. I did a 16 miler with loops of the park and an out and back on Ocean through the park and back home and was pretty okay. I did a 3 miler and could barely get through it.
So, of course, I did the Dublin Marathon. At mile 18 I was dropping out because my knee (again right side) was having a grinding feeling. It felt like it was really scraping. I kept thinking, “I am doing permanent damage to be a DNF…this is stupid.” (DNF = Did Not Finish) I, mentally, knew it was bad when I was walking with 3 friends who had flown in to support me (Love you all MT, CG and HEF, even if I couldn't express it), and I couldn’t let their laughter and support in. I was too sore. I forgot about dropping out when I ran into one of my peeps (will love you forever, Tamera) who was suffering at mile 19. It became 98% about her. We pushed through, refused to get on the sweeper bus and finished. The next few days were awful – knee pain, foot pain, hip pain (never had any of that post-marathon before, but most have so I wasn’t overly fazed). Plus, I was in Dublin with Michael, how bad was a little (ok, major) pain?!
I came back to the states and was still very sore…so I went to 2 PTs, my podiatrist again, an acupuncturist who was a PT for years, an orthopedist, had x-rays, got reflexology, kept a food diary, eliminated aspartame (based on food diary and have since resumed again –DC is as hard to give up as smoking was) and each time I felt a quick sense of relief but nothing lasting and found that pedicures with a good massage were just as effective and less costly and more enjoyable and convenient. I was told I could run, given a prescription anti-inflammatory and told if that didn’t work, we could try cortisone. I am not sure why I was/am so scared of cortisone, but it didn’t seem like the route for me. I have tried to push through it, and there are days when I think it is behind me and days (like today) where before I am even out of bed I am in pain. One of the hardest parts for me is that I do not know when it will be bad and when it won’t. I have gotten a bike (which also hurts to ride when my feet hurt because I pedal too much with my toes and any time I bend my toes things are worse, driving too – trying to re-learn to use the whole foot on my pedals, but apparently I am a toe driver - I actually know when that started, but that is another topic for another day).
So, here’s to my meds for my thyroid having the added impact of reducing the inflammation of my feet and allowing me to train pain-free again. In the meantime, I will see you from my new bike.
